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Second most hated writer at @thestranger; co-host of Blocked and Reported, the only podcast about internet drama
I come from a family with little patience for icons but John Prine was one we loved, as he would say, I spite of ourselves. Rest In Peace @John Prine.
I'm in the very (very) early stages of working on a book proposal. This is probably bad luck but I'm going to throw it out there anyway in the hopes I get some good information....
If I die soon I want you all to know that the reason no one will show up to my funeral is uhhh covid
Critics are calling it "Pretty good," "Not bad," and "I've heard worse."
Really looking forward to when this is all over and I can never leave my house by choice
You’d think the vape crisis would have prepared us more
Wow you guys are racist as hell
@Katie Herzog I didn't see this coming.
@Katie Herzog Sharon is Karen.
First they came for the Beckys and I did not speak out because I was not a Becky. Then they came for the Karens and I did not speak out because I was not a Karen. Then they came for the Katies and I
I'm getting ready for another round of Apocalypse Aunt, my pandemic advice column for @Arc Digital. Send all your pressing and not so pressing questions to ApocalypseAunt@arcdigital.media and I will solve all of your problems or possibly make them worse. https://arcdigital.media/apocalypse-aunt-with-katie-herzog-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-now-insane-5a33c613...
If you're mad at Joe Rogan you should probably help knock him off the iTunes charts by subscribing to my podcast.
In the third episode of @Blocked and Reported, @Katie Herzog and I discuss: culture warring in an age of coronavirus; my dry, hacking cough; Twitter Cops policing people's thirst for Spanish Legion hunks; and Sairo Rao's plan to end racism by yelling at white ladies https://barpodcast.fireside.fm/3
Today marks one month in isolation for me (I think) and I’ve never craved buffet food like I do now. Salad bar, Indian buffet, all-you-can-eat boxed mashed potatoes and neon mac n cheese from Sysco? Give me a sneeze guard and a stack of plates.
The now-accelerated collapse of the media industry means a lot of writers are going to go subscription-based like Matt here. I fear what this means for both the non-famous (e.g. me) and for our increasingly narrow echo chambers but it’s one of the only solutions at this point.
Announcement: I'm making a move https://taibbi.substack.com/p/announcement-to-readers-im-moving
I know states are pretty busy right now BUT if I were in charge and I wanted an election to happen in November I would consider enabling vote-by-mail asap.
I refuse to support Louis CK’s comeback unless it’s free
Now that the media industry is on life support I’m gonna need a backup plan. Thinking of starting a combo restaurant/massage studio/daycare.
Finally. It’s my time to be a hero.
We received an email today from our daughter’s public school in Paris asking parents to donate scuba-diving masks for doctors and nurses at local hospitals who are woefully short of protective equipment. The sender of the email said she verified it wasn’t a joke, and it wasn’t.
This thread goes through the entire Kubler-Ross of viral tweets
My downstairs neighbor lives alone so he is borrowing our dog whenever he needs to. She’s down there right now. They’re eating dinner together.
One thing about Now is that none of usual excuses work anymore. “I’d love to go to your Zoom party but I’m uhhhh... out.”
What's your favorite internet drama this week? Asking for a podcast.
I've been pushing friends and family to join local CSAs for a few weeks. This is why.
Crops are rotting in the fields. As it turns out, immigrants weren't always stealing our jobs but doing jobs Americans don't want to do, which enabled us to eat. You're gonna miss them now.
Unfortunately, literally no one other than myself and @Katie Herzog has launched a podcast during the coronacrisis. Surprising, but 100% true. It's the only new game in town: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocked-and-reported/id1504298199
I also think it’s insane that a major book publisher gave Saira Rao a book deal, BUT, if you object to cancel culture, and you don’t think publishers should acquiesce to Twitter mobs, you probably shouldn’t be calling for her contract to be canceled.
Never thought I’d say this but a good game of fetch is definitely the highlight of my day. Then again, the dog is a good thrower.
I invited a fuzzy cartoonish animal to come live in my house and sleep in my bed and sometimes I attach a rope to his neck and take him for walks. And I pick up his poop! When you really think about it... very strange.
Thread: A non scientific case study of mask adoption
If you need a healthy outlet to get through this crises I recommend liking my tweets. (Also works as a guilty pleasure.)
I assumed Ben was a woke scold for an embarrassingly long time. Boy was I wrong about that.
The thing that liberals are most wrong about is fracking. Thanks for reading.
Bernie Sanders should just say he's staying in the race in case the old guy dies.
I trained Moose to shake by rewarding him with treats and now every time I sit down to eat he comes over and puts a hand on my lap.
Today in my @Arc Digital advice column: Am I going insane? Should I quarantine with my ex? And what to do about a boyfriend who won't shut the fuck up about pandemic? And more! https://arcdigital.media/apocalypse-aunt-with-katie-herzog-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-now-insane-5a33c613...
Hmm do I pitch my coronavirus wedding piece now or wait until I’m on a ventilator when it’s really poignant?
Wife woke up this morning and said, "We should rename the dog Fudge because he's brown and sweet." Are divorce lawyers considered essential services these days?
For some reason I suspect the "nationalize everything" people may need to be reminded of who is running the federal government
Excellent use of emergency resources during a pandemic
People demanding that Trump's press conferences not be aired are crying out for help; they've been emotionally traumatized by Trump and need support. They don't know how to simply refrain from watching him, so they desperately plead with an external authority to intervene
Seems weird to tell people they’re going to have to be inside until summer unless you want them to flee to another state.
The second episode of Blocked and Reported drops today and if you read until the end of this tweet you are contractually obligated to subscribe to it. Sorry! Them’s the rules. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocked-and-reported/id1504298199#episodeGuid=c110645a-1a16-4a...
Gonna start leaving the toilet seat up so it feels like I'm back at the office.
So depressing. Free papers survived booms and busts and Craigslist and Facebook but I doubt many will survive this. Hope everyone at least holds onto their obit writers. https://www.seattletimes.com/business/local-business/as-advertising-dries-up-amid-coronavirus-shutdo...
2 days later @Commissioner Shea says there are 900 NYPD officers testing positive for COVID and 5000 out sick. To put this in perspective there are now more sick NY police officers than than there are TOTAL police officers in all but 4 other U.S. cities
At least 512 New York Police Department employees have tested positive for coronavirus as of Friday morning, a senior NYPD official tells CNN. 442 are uniformed members of the forces. 4,122 – about 11% of the NYPD work force – are out sick. https://cnn.it/2UDjs84
I’m a libertarian now. But not the fedora-wearing kind.
I need a respite from a mailbox full of essays from people who’ve discovered that present events confirm their long-held beliefs. If the events of the last few weeks have changed your mind, what did have they changed your mind about, and why?
The worst part of this pandemic is that my wife is using the downtime to learn kundalini breathing. It sounds like someone is giving birth in here.
This was the most interesting aspect of Tiger King in my opinion. Call your zoo a "sanctuary" and your unpaid laborers "interns" and all of a sudden you're a hero instead of a villain.
Carole’s tiger sanctuary is no different than Joe Exotic’s zoo. She just doesn’t pay her volunteers. The same goes for dog rescues, which are not that different from pet shops
I am so so so SO glad to live in a state that took this seriously from the beginning. Jay Inslee should run for President.
An update from Seattle area: • Hospitals still seeing "manageable" caseloads • Data models suggest transmission rate has dropped from 2.7 to 1.4 • Deaths on slower trajectory than many states • “It would be grossly irresponsible to stop" distancing https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/29/us/seattle-washington-state-coronavirus-transmission-rate.html
Would click. And read.
Thing I might pitch somewhere: a review of the Woody Allen book. I think I would be qualified to do this.
Really starting to miss bailing on events at the last minute.
Yeah I think people tend to confuse “centrist” with “moderate.”
Being a "centrist" doesn't mean holding a middle-ground position on all or even most issues. Centrists often hold Right- and/or Left-wing views on many issues. A centrist is someone who, when all their political views are *averaged*, comes out somewhere near the middle.
Is this remotely possible? It’s certainly counter to conventional wisdom and every media report on smoking and covid but I’ve been looking for a new vice so I’d like to believe it.
Fun idea for date night: Take turns writing to all the casual encounters ads Craigslist to tell them to stay the fuck home
At some point we’re going to run out of new TV
Here's the early 2000s internet thing I mentioned on Blocked and Reported, and we'll remember to put links in the show notes next time probably maybe I hope. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQokp6UvYwk
Reminder: It is ILLEGAL to give a podcast one star if you haven’t listened to it. Giving it 5 stars is fine.