blaine capatch (@blainecapatch)

21703 posts      73160 followers      5021 followings     

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http://blainecapatch.com

los angeles

2010-04-28 00:28:47

remember when you ate a booger that fell into your mouth on live tv

You’re the base he’s terrified of. Do you support: 1) Tearing down statues of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson & Abraham Lincoln? 2) Destroying Mt. Rushmore. 3) Abolishing the police. 4) Acquiescing to “autonomous” lawless zones like CHAZ/CHOP? 5) ANTIFA mob violence?

grow up

Dear Democrats: You cannot save America if you don’t even believe in her.

last night's fireworks made Los Angeles look like Blade Runner and definitely made me a little Batty

If cereals for kids have toys inside, cereals for adults should have prizes that adults like inside. Raisin Bran should have a pair of ear plugs at the bottom. Grape Nuts should come with a two-pack of advil.

i liked it better in Russian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvPugOWeZiA

The White House 4th of July entertainment is a white guy singing Bruno Mars

The White House 4th of July entertainment is a white guy singing Bruno Mars

check out the haircut my wife gave me tonight at 6

TONIGHT! Join us from ANYWHERE! 6:00pst 
LIVE storytelling by some of the BEST talents in the industry like @blainecapatch @sheseemsnice @smaranda_luna  @JohnnyCardinale Yes, there is a FREE option guys! Tickets here-  #storytelling #comedy #truestories

TONIGHT! Join us from ANYWHERE! 6:00pst LIVE storytelling by some of the BEST talents in the industry like  @blaine capatch  @Cynthia Levin  @Smaranda Luna  @Johnny Cardinale Yes, there is a FREE option guys! Tickets here- https://bit.ly/36DkEOt  #storytelling  #comedy  #truestories

true, almost every word  @Toby Huss

Toby Huss is the most underrated character actor we have. What a body of work.

Toby Huss is the most underrated character actor we have. What a body of work.

BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell tests positive for about to be killed in prison

Happy birthday to Huey

Happy birthday to Huey

the Streisand Effect is strong with this one

I hope Epstein made videos There have been suggestions that Epstein made secret videos of all the men who had sex in his houses and planes. I hope he did and they are all revealed, because they will prove I am not among them. I hereby waive any right of privacy in Epstein videos.

morning mist in Hollywood is called Chet Haze

Well, tonight I’m fixing Judy Carne’s old pot roast recipe. I’ve had it since 1968. I found everything needed at the grocery store except an ounce of fresh Maui-Wowie, whatever that is.

it's like all the other fireworks were leading up to this

it's like we're living in that episode of MAD TV where they did Condom Leap

it's like we're living in an episode of Sigmund and the Sea Monsters

it's like we're living in an episode of Salvage 1

it's like we're living in an episode of So You Think You Can Dance

it's like we're living in an episode of The Today Show

it's like we're living in an episode of Hello, Larry

it's like we're living in an episode of Carter Country

it's like we're living in an episode of The Jeffersons

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