Adam Hess (@adamhess1)

19537 posts      56682 followers      1344 followings     

comedian. London. Sometimes LA. Normally the sofa. follow my instagram http://instagram.com/adamhess100/?h

2009-03-23 13:19:38

Mortified. Cannot believe I've just been through this. Bloke opposite me on the tube just very loudly accused me of taking photos of him so I had to prove I had actually been making this instead. I had to show an angry man this

Mortified. Cannot believe I've just been through this. Bloke opposite me on the tube just very loudly accused me of taking photos of him so I had to prove I had actually been making this instead. I had to show an angry man this

nobody drops their phone in films anymore upon receiving tragic news because we love our easily-breakable phones so much more than any loved one who we may be informed has suddenly died

STAR WARS TRAILER BREAKDOWN!!

Can’t wait to see if my predictions are correct!

Full video here: 

#StarWarsTheRiseOfSkywalker

STAR WARS TRAILER BREAKDOWN!! Can’t wait to see if my predictions are correct! Full video here: https://youtu.be/Y84CNJ2ChE4  #StarWarsTheRiseOfSkywalker

Mind genuinely blown here. This guy seems to have cracked some pretty big stuff about the new star wars film from a couple of clues in the trailer. Amazing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y84CNJ2ChE4&feature=youtu.be

I'm sorry but we CAN'T stop referring to him as 'Boris' cos if we go by his last name then every time he's mentioned I'm gonna imagine people are talking about this guy

I'm sorry but we CAN'T stop referring to him as 'Boris' cos if we go by his last name then every time he's mentioned I'm gonna imagine people are talking about this guy

So uber drivers don't like it when you say boo to them

Excuse me @Samsung but nobody needs these 4 card suit symbols. Obviously. They should be replaced with keys that people actually regularly need such as keys for 'haha yeah', 'Soz just seen this', 'Omg no way really!?' and 'No, doctor, the anus cream is still not working'

Excuse me  @Samsung Electronics but nobody needs these 4 card suit symbols. Obviously. They should be replaced with keys that people actually regularly need such as keys for 'haha yeah', 'Soz just seen this', 'Omg no way really!?' and 'No, doctor, the anus cream is still not working'

No doubt I'll cringe at this in a few years down the line

No doubt I'll cringe at this in a few years down the line

really love the idea that in the script for bond films all the stage directions refer to him as 'James'. "James jumps through the window and shoots his gun" "James runs really fast" "James cooks a lovely meal and listens to a song" etc

Can't believe the J in 'J Sainsburys' stands for 'Jameroquai'

So  @Jen Brister is one of the funniest around. see her show in london in feb if you can get tickets or on tour. You defo won't regret it etc

I'll be at  @Soho Theatre in Feb. And I can guarantee the day after these shows finish I'll get three e mails asking me when I'm performing in London...

Shaking my head again today at the words 'first' & 'second'. Showing no respect to the tradition of just adding 'th' to the end of the number. Mad how the letters o, n & e don't even appear at all in 'first'. The word 'second' is an absolute palava. Setting a terrible example.

Just won a game of chess with just pawns

If an atomic bomb was dropped somewhere, the Twitter trending bit would say 'Nuclear war has broken out and the internet can't handle it!'

I get all of my political news from a website that thinks this is an 'amazing' news story

I get all of my political news from a website that thinks this is an 'amazing' news story

what a ridiculous line up. I am AGOG. AND raising money for a great cause. I spoil you. This gig is tomorrow in london and obviously you should come if you like comedy

what a ridiculous line up. I am AGOG. AND raising money for a great cause. I spoil you. This gig is tomorrow in london and obviously you should come if you like comedy https://www.pleasance.co.uk/event/gala-world-aids-day-2019#overview

if anyone talked about spaghetti carbonara with the same frequency and passion that people talk about roast dinners they would be locked up

oooh I thought it is counted at an 'awful shit' if it DIDN'T stink. (it has failed)

One our favourite #WorldAIDSDay events is this AMAZING comedy gala @ThePleasance

Line up includes @BridgetChristie @lollyadefope @adamhess1 @JoeSutherland_ and more!! 

There are still a few tickets left, get yours quick 🎟️

One our favourite  #WorldAIDSDay events is this AMAZING comedy gala  @Pleasance Line up includes  @Bridget Christie  @lolly  @Adam Hess  @Joe Sutherland and more!! There are still a few tickets left, get yours quick 🎟️ http://www.pleasance.co.uk/event/gala-world-aids-day-2019#overview

Far more interesting to look at this if you imagine it has nothing to do with the prime minister

Far more interesting to look at this if you imagine it has nothing to do with the prime minister

Hi @Tesco I've literally never seen an outfit look more like it has given up on life after having filed for bankruptcy for the second time

Hi  @Tesco I've literally never seen an outfit look more like it has given up on life after having filed for bankruptcy for the second time

Can't work out if I've had a sneeze coming for 5 years or I'm just always scared

When the train announcer says 'Our quiet carriage today is carriage G' it sounds like they're announcing the winner of a competition that all the carriages entered of who gets to be quiet today. The carriage is delighted! But must frustratingly celebrate in complete silence.

Hi @Nintendo Why is mario trying to force out a shit on my birthday card?

Hi  @任天堂株式会社 Why is mario trying to force out a shit on my birthday card?

Excuse me @Samsung why do you have 2 commas on your keyboards? Also once i was the only boy in my class who got over 17/20 in a spelling test so the teacher said I was the only one allowed on the climbing frame that day which seemed fun in theory but in practice is was very sad

Excuse me  @Samsung Electronics why do you have 2 commas on your keyboards? Also once i was the only boy in my class who got over 17/20 in a spelling test so the teacher said I was the only one allowed on the climbing frame that day which seemed fun in theory but in practice is was very sad

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