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comedian. London. Sometimes LA. Normally the sofa. follow my instagram http://instagram.com/adamhess100/?h…
nobody drops their phone in films anymore upon receiving tragic news because we love our easily-breakable phones so much more than any loved one who we may be informed has suddenly died
Mind genuinely blown here. This guy seems to have cracked some pretty big stuff about the new star wars film from a couple of clues in the trailer. Amazing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y84CNJ2ChE4&feature=youtu.be
So uber drivers don't like it when you say boo to them
Excuse me @Samsung Electronics but nobody needs these 4 card suit symbols. Obviously. They should be replaced with keys that people actually regularly need such as keys for 'haha yeah', 'Soz just seen this', 'Omg no way really!?' and 'No, doctor, the anus cream is still not working'
really love the idea that in the script for bond films all the stage directions refer to him as 'James'. "James jumps through the window and shoots his gun" "James runs really fast" "James cooks a lovely meal and listens to a song" etc
Can't believe the J in 'J Sainsburys' stands for 'Jameroquai'
Shaking my head again today at the words 'first' & 'second'. Showing no respect to the tradition of just adding 'th' to the end of the number. Mad how the letters o, n & e don't even appear at all in 'first'. The word 'second' is an absolute palava. Setting a terrible example.
Just won a game of chess with just pawns
If an atomic bomb was dropped somewhere, the Twitter trending bit would say 'Nuclear war has broken out and the internet can't handle it!'
what a ridiculous line up. I am AGOG. AND raising money for a great cause. I spoil you. This gig is tomorrow in london and obviously you should come if you like comedy https://www.pleasance.co.uk/event/gala-world-aids-day-2019#overview
if anyone talked about spaghetti carbonara with the same frequency and passion that people talk about roast dinners they would be locked up
oooh I thought it is counted at an 'awful shit' if it DIDN'T stink. (it has failed)
Hi @Tesco I've literally never seen an outfit look more like it has given up on life after having filed for bankruptcy for the second time
Can't work out if I've had a sneeze coming for 5 years or I'm just always scared
When the train announcer says 'Our quiet carriage today is carriage G' it sounds like they're announcing the winner of a competition that all the carriages entered of who gets to be quiet today. The carriage is delighted! But must frustratingly celebrate in complete silence.
Hi @任天堂株式会社 Why is mario trying to force out a shit on my birthday card?
Excuse me @Samsung Electronics why do you have 2 commas on your keyboards? Also once i was the only boy in my class who got over 17/20 in a spelling test so the teacher said I was the only one allowed on the climbing frame that day which seemed fun in theory but in practice is was very sad