Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser)

30513 posts      429654 followers      2186 followings     

Comedian and FIRST🥇voted off Dancing With The Stars season 27. Host of @youuppod. Two+ hours of Standup on Netflix. Vegan, baba booey, jackpot.

http://www.nikkiglaser.com

St Louis, MO

2007-09-15 07:29:51

To anyone who’s watching  #IllBeGoneInTheDark, how will you ever sleep again?

Nobody ever talks about the acting prowess of these republicans. They all hate Trump. They know he is an idiot. They know these questions are coming. They prepare to not blink as they lie and obfuscate. The performances are astounding and demonic at the same time.

CNN's Dana Bash: You said in 2014 that Obama showed "failed leadership" with Ebola, when only 2 Americans died. Would you say Trump's showed failed leadership with coronavirus as 130,000 Americans have died?

Sen. Joni Ernst: "No, I think that the president is stepping forward"

CNN's Dana Bash: You said in 2014 that Obama showed "failed leadership" with Ebola, when only 2 Americans died. Would you say Trump's showed failed leadership with coronavirus as 130,000 Americans have died? Sen. Joni Ernst: "No, I think that the president is stepping forward"

i have a fresh take about fireworks jk

Tweeting about fireworks is the new fireworks.

what I wouldn’t give to be back at my 23rd birthday party, falling down a flight of stairs

God it’s gorgeous outside today, can’t wait to get on the phone with the bank and discuss these overdraft fees ☀️☀️☀️

This is the exact same face Dan Aykroyd made when he got a beejer from a ghost in Ghostbusters.

This is the exact same face Dan Aykroyd made when he got a beejer from a ghost in Ghostbusters.

Zero percent chance Trump could name all four Presidents on Mount Rushmore.

Rosebud is so damn funny

I've lost all integrity and I'm doing an hour of standup on Zoom 7/17/2020. You can RSVP here and you'll be emailed a link to the show. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSccNYA1zrQ6fEGvpujXutOYJwRqq--aG_vSUYrMJRNSW58Jeg/viewform?...

Baby you’re a fiiiirework! Bc my dog hates you.

Not to be dramatic but American Airlines only cares about money and doesn’t care if you get sick and die.

.@AmericanAir: how many Americans will die bc you fill middle seats, w/ your customers shoulder to shoulder, hour after hour. This is incredibly irresponsible. People eat & drink on planes & must take off masks to do so. No way you aren’t facilitating spread of COVID infections.

@americanair: how many Americans will die bc you fill middle seats, w/ your customers shoulder to shoulder, hour after hour. This is incredibly irresponsible. People eat & drink on planes & must take off masks to do so. No way you aren’t facilitating spread of COVID infections.

Hamilton is now streaming on Disney+

Hamilton is now streaming on Disney+

Just spotted a hot guy at my gate, which I only noticed bc he wasn’t wearing a mask and I could see his face, but then I realized he wasn’t wearing a mask so then he suddenly became unhot so now I’m just judging hotness based on height and if they rev their engines at stoplights.

Not all of @NikkiGlaser’s jokes made it onto Alec Baldwin’s @ComedyCentral roast. Hear the ones she couldn’t say on TV and her FULL #SternShow interview today on #Howard100:

Not all of  @Nikki Glaser’s jokes made it onto Alec Baldwin’s  @comedycentral roast. Hear the ones she couldn’t say on TV and her FULL  #SternShow interview today on  #Howard100: http://siriusxm.us/HowardSternSXM

I put a soda in my mom’s freezer and forgot about it. It exploded so I apologized. She said, “you have to remember to take those out.” It’s not often that one sentence can change how you view the world and the way you move within it, but I for one will never be the same.

Today I drank 8 glasses of water since March!

I sure hope Ghislaine doesn't get mursdered.

This new book about Trump is sure to be his downfall.

lol we’re all certain that a person charged w/ sex trafficking will be murdered by operatives colluding with the state because she can implicate presidents. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Dreading reaching the age where I take my phone off silent.

Read This: "Donald Trump Hates Being President, Hates Losing, and Hates the Americans About to Make Him a Losing President" https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-hates-being-president-hates-losing-and-hates-the-american...

Spending the pandemic back home with her parents in Des Peres, comedian Nikki Glaser is reliving her childhood through her father's music. https://www.stltoday.com/entertainment/music/playing-window-to-window-e-j-glaser-finds-appreciative-...

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