Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser)

29695 posts      377854 followers      2190 followings     

2020 BANG IT OUT TOUR! On sale now! promo code: BANGIN. Also, new Netflix special out now. Daily morning radio show @youupsxm on @siriusXM channel 95

http://www.nikkiglaser.com

Los Angeles, CA

2007-09-15 07:29:51

VINTAGE STORE IN BROOKLYN STOLEN VALOR!!!!

VINTAGE STORE IN BROOKLYN STOLEN VALOR!!!!

i have been laughing at this since yesterday. please turn your volume up 😂

i have been laughing at this since yesterday. please turn your volume up 😂

nothing is funnier

nothing is funnier

My Autotune Coming Out Story

My Autotune Coming Out Story

If I ever go insane, it will be from years of trying to make this place rhyme every time I go by it.

If I ever go insane, it will be from years of trying to make this place rhyme every time I go by it.

I’ve already Tweeted a joke about this and I know a bunch more people will but can we all state the plain fact that this man is CLEARLY OUT OF HIS MIND AND SHOULD NOT BE RUNNING A BASKIN ROBBINS LET ALONE A COUNTRY? Or is this the reality we’ve accepted?

Here's Trump saying that he's heard from many people complaining about "flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times."

Here's Trump saying that he's heard from many people complaining about "flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times."

CHILLS.

God damn Elizabeth Warren is on point here.

God damn Elizabeth Warren is on point here.

If you’re upset about Hillary’s Howard Stern interview you should hear the Trump one where he brags about his daughter’s sexy body.

Unbelievable interview this morning

After hearing President Trump’s inauguration speech, @HillaryClinton says she began to get nervous. And it sounds like she wasn’t the only one. “George W. Bush says to me, ‘Well that was some weird sh-t.’”

After hearing President Trump’s inauguration speech,  @Hillary Clinton says she began to get nervous. And it sounds like she wasn’t the only one. “George W. Bush says to me, ‘Well that was some weird sh-t.’”

GO ALONE TO COMEDY SHOWS. It’s the coolest thing you can do. You don’t have to worry about the person you’re with laughing or not. Don’t let having friends who are lame or can’t afford tix hold you back! Go alone!  #BangItOutTour

Had just enough money to buy one ticket to see  @Nikki Glaser in January so it looks like we’re getting over our fears of going to things alone!!!!

This legit turned me on

MODERN ROMANCE

MODERN ROMANCE

I was in court today in solidarity with  @Lauren Reeves 🏳️‍🌈 to hear the verdict against Alki David - the same man she fought in her own trial earlier this year. They awarded Lauren's former coworker $58 million. The entire courtroom gasped/cheered/applauded. https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2019-12-02/billionaire-alki-david-pay-50-m...

please read *before* marrying (especially women, super especially women comics. ok thanks) https://hbr.org/2017/10/if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-supports-your-career-stay-single

I’m above average.

The average human farts about 14 times a day.

“[P]eople ... are uncomfortable by what they witness. ... [Trump] stumbles, slurs, gets confused, is easily irritated, and has trouble synthesizing information, not occasionally but with regularity [and] also can't remember what he's said or been told.” https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-anonymous-white-house-insider-memory-1472661

If you have  @SiriusXM or a rental car, you gotta listen tomorrow. We are gonna have so much fun.  @You Up w/ Nikki Glaser

If u have satellite radio listen to me tomorrow morning on Nikki’s show! One of my favorite radio shows of all time that is coincidentally hosted by one of the world’s funniest people. 🌎

There are lots of ways to suck testosterone out of a man.

The testosterone is being sucked from our men right before our eyes 🤦🏻‍♀️

The testosterone is being sucked from our men right before our eyes 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mike  @Mike Birbiglia is on  @You Up w/ Nikki Glaser on Monday. Coming back from break with a great show. Tune in!  @SiriusXM is cheaper than you think.

 @Nikki Glaser we should discuss this on  @You Up w/ Nikki Glaser on monday. 📻

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